My Search for Aluminumus

My search for Aluminumus began years ago.

 

I had begun a search for this elusive commodity on other occasions, but the serious quest had not been established until after I had met a germane group of country settlers. If there were any folk that could teach me all the things needed to be learned about the art of procuring a carrot of a different class, I knew that these people could give me the answer.

 

A kindly gentleman, who had often been called Santa by numerous children, headed the family. The man was knowledgeable in many areas and often pointed out things that could be held in reserve for future needs. Therefore, the task of searching for Aluminum-us had began.

 

For those of you readers who do not have any idea at all what I am referring to, I will attempt to clarify. Aluminum-us or (Aluminum-us Cannus) is a thin metal phenomenon that often hides away under bushes, behind trees, or in the tall grasses. Some of the younger ones that have not learned to avoid capture will remain out in the open and these are the ones that most agents of the conquest are apt to retrieve. I however, prefer to locate and capture the eldest and most wise of the breed. Although the easy prey will also return under my control enabling the payment of the lucrative cash reward.

 

In certain areas of the United States there is a per subject reward while in other parts of the country the reward is paid by the total mass of the captured cluster. If by chance you happen to be in the per subject area the reward is much more lofty. On the other hand, the group rate is much more fun if you enjoy the sport of search and capture.

 

There are some things that anyone who wants to be an agent of Confiscation Inc. should know about their subject, as the following schedule will reveal:

 

Aluminum-us Cannus

• 
  
  Types: Beerus Cannus and Popus Cannus
• 
  SIZE: anywhere from 3" to 8"
• CAMOUFLAGE: any number of color combinations can be used.
• 
  DEFENSE MECHANISMS: Beerus Cannus- this variety often uses a stagnant liquid    that will cause you to feel nauseous if you inhale the fumes. SPECIAL CARE: be aware that this creature often employs bees as a secondary defense system. Popus Cannus- Although this particular breed does not use the same stagnant smell as the previous one, the sweet smell can turn pungent if Popus Cannus has been in hiding for quite some time.

 

Again, the bees are also used as a secondary defense system. Both breeds have an open mouth that will slice your fingers open if you are misfortunate enough to put your digits in the wrong place.

 

GROUPINGS: the Aluminum-us breeds can often be found grouped together in

bunches of six or more. Or in rare occasions found alone. There may also be hiding in the midst with them the beer-us bottle-us or popus bottle-us. In some parts of the United States there is a reward for the bottle-us breed, but that is not the case in my area. Those may be found in the plastic or glass variety.

 

HIDING PLACES: these creatures can be found hiding in any number of places behind trees, under cars, ditches, in tall grass on the roadside, in garbage cans, under old tires amongst other unknown locations.

Capture Techniques

 

The capture of the Aluminum-us breed is not a difficult task to master. As a matter of fact it is so simple to do that even a small child can achieve success with relative ease.

 

SAFETY GEAR: As with most types of jobs there are certain types of equipment that can be employed to make the job easier and safer. While not mandated by any particular law these are some objects that can be used.

• Safety glasses
• Gloves
• Rubber Boots
• Insect Repellent
• Rubber or plastic apron

 

TOOLS: The following tools will make the job at hand easier and more productive.

 

• Long stick with a nail in the end to jab and capture the Aluminum-us breed.
• Grabber - allows the agent to reach and pick up from a greater distance.
• Golf cart - either electric or gas powered, will make it easier on the feet, less walking.
• Automobile - its purpose as the golf cart but has the advantage of a greater range.
• Bucket or bag - something to contain the captured subjects

 

These are some of the basic ideas and techniques that I have found to be helpful with the search and capture of the often elusive and dangerous breed know as Aluminum-us Cannus.


Have you ever found yourself wanting to become involved in this type of activity?  What do you think about doing this as a profession?


Let me know what you thought of this story, good or hey bud try again.